Thank you, Mr. Farmer, for recognizing that the hurt doesn't stop once the abuse does; for me, coping with it as an adult was more difficult than as a child because I now realize with an adult's intelligence and insight, exactly what was being done to me and how horrible it was. So much abuse is undetected until the child grows up and realizes that no, this isn't normal (I didn't realize all families weren't like this) and it WAS wrong. Too many well-meaning people minimize the adult survivor's pain or dismiss it as meaningless: "that was years ago and it's over" "get over it and move on" or the worst, "Just don't dwell on it anymore." If you haven't been abused, you don't get it and never will. thank you, Mr. Farmer, for not only understanding, but for showing us a way out. The focus on child abuse is on children, not the survivors, and we need help too.
So, I cannot recommend this book as part of an affective regimen of therapy.I remember reading this book over and over again at one point of life, but in retrospect, this book traumatized me in a realization of the issues I was dealing with at the time. I would call this type of book "pathology book" in stead of calling it "recovery book." It helps to understand why certain issues arise, but in life, what you do about it is more important than understanding it. This book left me so sad without a lead to a hope of living. The solution suggested in this book was not effective to me. It would have been better if a book had pathology part and EFFECTIVE treatment part.
I believe readers should note that the book was written 15 years ago, and there has been much improvement in psychology and psychotherapy. I would have given five stars if this were to be written ten years ago, but due to the gap in time and situation, I had to reduce it to four stars. It is still a great book as far as understanding your association with your care takers.I get the idea that most of the people writing reviews of these books are Psychologists and aren't people who were actually abused.. I thought there were a few good ideas. It was good at showing what characteristics people who were abused have, but most people who were abused already know they have all these characteristics. They are trying to figure out what "normal" is and how to get from point A to point B, and to be honest if they are buying this book, they're buying this book to get help and not to come up with all the theories and all. That said, it's still better than most of the other books I've read, and it still has good ideas that are worth getting the book for. There's a section on listening to what's around you.. I had been going to the swimming pool several times a week for the past few years, and I never really heard the sounds of the water splashing, or the kids playing, or the lifeguard, or the parents sitting there, I just tuned it all out, like everything and everyone else.
but it's still not a lot of help to a person who has been abused. It's really more for therapists to be honest, and that does me little good, to be honest. but I'm still glad I got the book,a nd I don't regret getting it. Some of them are a waste.Wonderful book for those who refuse to remain a victim, and are sincere about healing and recovery.
Farmer spends just the right amount of time in covering the types of abuse. Much of the book is spent on a step-by-step, in-depth recovery and healing process. It talks about healing one's self, dealing with parents and others, and how to break the cycle of abusive behavior.
It's not a book that says "stay a victim", and it's not a book that where every other line says "you need a therapist for any success". It's a very useful book that anyone with abusive parents can benefit greatly from.
Out of all the books I've read about abusive parents, this one has been the most useful. Thank you, Steven Farmer.
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