I hate reading anything that makes me feel anxious and initially this book sat on the shelf for weeks before I actually picked it up. I was so glad I did because there is such valuable information in here and I actually feel better about my child's safety than I did before.
Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane is about how to teach your child to trust her instincts when it comes to safety. Since 90% of child abuse and abductions occur by people well-known to your child, teaching her to talk to strangers just doesn't work. Instead, the author gives you detailed and logical steps to take, starting as early as toddlerhood, so you'll know how to help your child learn to follow her instincive feelings about whether someone is safe or not.
Crucial information about how to be prepared for (God forbid but we should all be prepared just in case) the event that your child may be seperated from you in public. Examples include making a daily detailed mental note of the clothing your child is wearing, keeping large photocopies of your child's picture and name in your purse/wallet so you can hand them out to security personel within seconds of your child's disappearance and an action plan for immediate implementation.
There is SO much in this book every bit of it worth reading so you can protect your child and I can't recommend it strongly enough. Read it NOW and be prepared.
I enjoyed most of this book but was quite surprised by the information in the back that children with autism can be dangerous and may become dangerous adults. First of all, most children with autism are extremely literal and incapable of lying or deceit. They are also unlikely to plot an attack or to be bullies of any kind because they tend to be shy and wary of people and the last thing they would want to do is initiate a contact.
Autistic children often do have sensory issues, and they might RESPOND inappropriately, i.e., if you accidentally (or deliberately) bump an autistic child at the water fountain they may overreact by yelling, screaming, or pushing/hitting you back. But this is still quite different from an autistic child masterminding how to hurt another child or being a predator something that I seriously doubt has ever happened. And if it has, then it is less a symptom of the child's AUTISM and more a symptom of other problems the child might have the same problems that would motivate ANY child to hurt someone else.
Well anyway, on balance I think this is a very good book with useful ideas about trusting your instincts.
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While expecting our first baby and then as new parents, my wife and I received loads of excellent advice from friends and family regarding childbirth, doctors, baby-care, day-care, formula brands, etc. Last week, as a father with 8 weeks of experience in parenting, I had my first opportunity to offer advice to an expectant parent. I suggested she visit two day care centers I had liked, visit the pediatrician my wife and I chose, and read Protecting the Gift by Gavin de Becker.
Gavin de Becker makes his living predicting and preventing violent behavior. His firm provides security and consultation to celebrities, athletes, world leaders, the CIA, U. S. Supreme Court and other security organizations around the world.
In Protecting the Gift, de Becker introduces parents to startling statistics revealing the violent reality of our culture: one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually molested by the time they reach adulthood; 90 percent of sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows; the most common age that sexual abuse begins is when the child is three years old. Most parents live with a mindset that denies or ignores this reality. But as de Becker shows in his book, our children are living in this reality everyday.
De Becker's purpose in this book is two-fold: 1) to hit parents in the face with the real dangers awaiting children, and 2) to teach parents how to avoid fruitless worry and to take meaningful steps to protect children. On both points, de Becker succeeds.
Parents are raising children during an age when an FBI child-pornography sting indicts teachers, coaches, pastors and judges. It is an age of guns and date-rape drugs. At the same time, many parents experience an urgent need for help in raising children, often from the age of six-weeks onward. Parents look for family, day care workers, sitters, schools, nannies and friends to provide support in raising children. How can parents assure their children's safety?
De Becker addresses this question by first focusing on the fact that violent behavior can be predicted. The book teaches that children can be taught skills to avoid dangerous situations and people. He emphasizes the development and use of intuition as a parent's key resource in recognizing threats. He cites numerous stories of people avoiding harm by listening to intuition and others who ignored intuition and became victims.
De Becker shares many practical lessons. He teaches what to look for in safe child-care workers and sitters. He lists the signs that indicate a dangerous stranger versus a friendly stranger. He also illustrates ways that well-meaning parents do things that increase a child's vulnerabilities.
The Bible teaches that wolves dress in sheep's clothing and that evil-doers masquerade as angels of light. Nothing fits this description more precisely than a sexual predator of children. De Becker teaches that pedophiles and rapists often gain the confidence of their victims through being overly "nice" and "helpful." They have to do this. How else can a pedophile convince parents to trust him or her with their children. Over and over, we see that pedophiles go to where they can have access to children and, like chameleons, blend in perfectly.
I think people in the church today are especially susceptible to this type of criminal, because the presence of evil has been downplayed and we are usually willing to give people the benefit of the doubt and accept them at face-value. De Becker shows parents how to remove doubt and to know who can and cannot be trusted.
There are several other topics in this book that I think are important to parents. The book cover summarizes one of de Becker's purposes in writing it: "By showing what danger really looks like-as opposed to what we might imagine it looks like-de Becker gives parents freedom from many common worries and unwarranted fears."
A lasting impression I take from the book is that the people with whom I and my family interact are who they are not who I want them to be. I know that some people are influenced by perverse and evil desires aimed at children. Because of this truth, I think it is important that parents read this book. I also suggest that adults, especially women, read de Becker's bestseller The Gift of Fear.
Craig Stephans, author of Shakespeare On Spirituality: Life-Changing Wisdom from Shakespeare's Plays
Read Best Reviews of Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (and Parents Sane) Here
You'd think, being a 25-year-old girl with a peaceful past (aside from having a loving, unviolent but drug-addicted mother--thankfully blessed with a single, first-time father who somehow knew how to do everything right), that this book wouldn't serve me at all. I have no children yet, and have experienced blessedly minimal trauma in my life. Few deaths in my small family, even from natural causes, have spared me from the fear most have earned from the terrible experiences that life has to offer.
But it seemed all of my life that fear prevailed. It was the fear that preceeded the constant, daily worry that I was long overdue for something awful to happen to me, and that the only thing I couldn't prevent was the outside interaction of some terrible predator.
Gavin de Becker's books were recommended to me by my new boss, and I have to say I have rarely gotten such sage advice in my life before. Though I am not a parent, this book (along with "The Gift of Fear") have provided me with one vital piece of information that has all but cured me of my irrational worries about the world: we are human, but we are far more capable of protecting ourselves than we realize, and protecting our children is just as simple.
Having read this book, I who was once a girl terrified to leave the front stoop of her home know that I can not only live my own life, but someday have my own children and know that I am capable of not only raising them in a healthy, aware existence, but know that I am fully capable of someday being the fierce lioness that protects them.
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Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe and Parents Sane by Gavin de Becker is another excellent book on the protective signal of intuition and how you can use it to remain safe in a dangerous and oftentimes violent world. All of us are born with intuition yet some choose to ignore this early warning alarm designed to alert us to potentially dangerous or lethal situations. We must learn to honor this intuition and realize that it is a protective mechanism that something is wrong.
In this book de Becker goes into detail on how to harness the power of intuition and use it to your benefit and as a tool to protect your children. There are many stories provided to emphasize and demonstrate key points within the book.
Parts of the book that I really thought were beneficial are:
Signals of Denial:
This section of the book talks about why we make excuses for the bad guy or completely stick our head in the sand and refuse to believe that evil exists.
-Rationalization
-Justification
-Minimization
-Excuse-making
-Refusal
Survival Signals
These are techniques that a predator may use to put you at ease so that he can build your trust and confidence.
-Forced Teaming
-Charm and Niceness
-Too Many Details
-Typecasting
-Loan-Sharking
-The Unsolicited Promise
-Discounting the Word "No"
The Test of Twelve 12 items your kids must know
The chapter on babysitters had excellent information that parents must know before leaving their kids with a sitter. It is absolutely crucial to interview the baby sitter, don't make a decision immediately, and always check reference even if the sitter comes highly recommended from a friend. The same applies when choosing your childs doctor.
There really is an abundance of good information provided by a very qualified expert in the field of violence. For instance, "No" really means "No" and women especially should not begin a negotiation with a person when their answer is "No". In addition, it a girl does not want to date a pushy boy she does NOT owe him an explanation why she doesn't want to date him. Tell him "no" and leave it at that. If he continually calls do not answer the phone, do not return message...the key is no further communication.
The one negative aspect of this book that I do not agree with is de Becker's firm anti-gun stance. Considering his childhood and background I understand his perspective. Gun violence is a huge problem and if you choose to own a firearm for defense then have it properly secured from children, learn how to properly use it, continually practice and periodically attend additional training classes. Responsible firearms ownership is the answer if you own a firearm.
If you have children get this book. I would also highly recommend The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker.
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Often times when I am working as a doula with couples I try to impress upon them that giving birth is 90% an emotional/spiritual experience. A woman is not only giving birth to a new human being, but to herself as a mother, and what's more, she is giving birth to a new family. Not only this, but birth is one of the most primal experiences a human being can go through and in that it calls upon the deepest parts of your being to be faced, dealt with, challenged, and ultimately called upon. Finally, with the publication of Denise's book, BetterBirth, I have a resource I can hand to my clients to help them get at this core. Denise's book, which is the exceptionally beautiful culmination of a life's work of supporting, coaching, and challenging people to be the best they can be combined with her expertise in childbirth, is a treasure trove of useful tools and information to help parents prepare for this most auspicious rite of passage in life. Denise book gives practical information on how to prepare mentally, physically, and spiritually for the birth of your new child. Everything from her toolbox with helpful tips on preparing one's body for the birthing process, to her very thoughtful and thorough tips on how to plan for the immediate postpartum period, this book is chock-full of useful information. This book is amazing and I can't think of anything better for a couple to read in fact, I hope that each and every couple gets this book in their hands as soon as they realize they are pregnant. This book will prepare women for birth in a way not found in other birth preparation books. What a gift Denise has given women and couples! Nicole Heidbreder. Director of International Development for DONA International.
