There are so many things to recommend this book aimed at youth 16 22 (but containing info valuable to a much wider age range) that it's difficult to know where to begin. S.E.X. contains a lot of the information you find in guides aimed at a young readership anatomy lessons, safer sex guidelines, a breakdown of birth control options, definitions of various sexual activities and infections. The difference here is Heather Corinna's (who as the founder of the world's most awesome sex ed site, Scarleteen, has seen and heard it all) dedication to tugging the rest of society closer to her dream of a world where everyone is "healthy, happy and whole in themselves and their sexuality: in body, heart, and mind."To that end the book is truly inclusive. In a section on sexual identity Corinna points out that "this isn't the gay chapter" and indeed the book doesn't assume a heterosexual default the way many do or root itself in traditional gender roles. Nor does it assume that sex is better when connected with love or marriage. The emphasis is unfailingly on communication, being as safe as possible, respecting your own and others' boundaries and fitting sex into the rest of your life in a healthy and enjoyable way.
The slant seems so balanced and logical that it's a wonder society at large is in such a mess when it comes to sex and sexuality. But popular culture with its constant projection of a hyper-sexuality which is unvarying and prescriptive (dictating what sort of bodies we should have, the kinds of activities we should be engaging in and who should be performing them and how) would seem to be the enemy of this logic. To counter these negative messages and arrive at a healthy body image, Heather suggests reducing TV watching and binning your fashion magazines, noticing the diversity around you in your everyday life, focusing on things other than appearance and concentrating on physical activities you enjoy (whether that be team sports, canoeing, whatever).
Of course there's a lot of sex in this book and sexual activities are catalogued along with their pregnancy and STI risk. You'll learn that the idea that female virgins are supposed to be "tight" is pure myth. "A woman having first intercourse very well might be tight, but that is likely due more to nervousness, fear, and anxiety than it is to whether or not she has had partnered sex before." If a woman's relaxed, aroused and lubricated enough with a patient partner first-time sex doesn't need to be painful. The idea of premature ejaculation is "a bit bogus" too. There's no "minimum time that is acceptable for erection" and sexual activity can continue in other ways afterwards. There's no reason that all (or any) of the fun has to spring from penetration.
Unfortunately, not at all sex is consensual and S.E.X. also discusses healing from abuse and rape. "One-half of all rape victims are raped between the ages of fourteen and seventeen." Roughly a third of "high-school and college students has experienced sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional violence in dating relationships."
As adults, we don't do near enough honest talking about these issues. How can we expect young people to deal with the rampant sexual assumptions and expectations, misinformation and pressure created by living in a society that on the one hand tells them sex is something serious and special to save for later while simultaneously drowning them in images that promote the very opposite?
For starters we could buy them this book. If everyone read, digested and lived by the philosophies espoused in S.E.X. our sexual problems would be a thing of the past.
I gave each of them a copy along with this note:
"Mom and I are giving you this book, and the notes here, so that you have a great source of factual information about sex and relationships all in one place.
"We know you have had quite a bit of "sex ed" already at school, but there is always more to learn, and after looking around, we think this is one of the best resources. It goes well beyond what school teaching offers, and does a better job than I could even in hours of conversation. It's not easy for parents to talk to kids about sex, so this book at least gets the right information out to you and then opens the door for questions and discussion, whenever you want. I have been married once before and was in various other relationships, so I know a lot about this stuff and I want you to know I am totally open to questions and discussion, any time.
"Mom and I like this book because it's really straightforward and very complete, and also free of any judgmental or moralistic viewpoints. Mom and I both think that's the best approach. You have both been raised to be good and moral persons, so you will use your own "gut" (and advice from us, whenever you want it), to choose what you think is right for yourself and the people close to you.
"Giving you this book is not a substitute for talking about these issues whenever we want or need to. In the meantime, here are some tips on sections that we think you should definitely read ..."
From there I went on to highlight the "must read" sections (safe sex, contraception, consent, etc) and told them we would talk about these.
It's a great book and offers comprehensive information in a matter-of-fact, adult manner and in a format that's easy to flip through to find what you're looking for.Growing up with a mother who volunteered as a counselor for Planned Parenthood, you'd think I would have had a good education in the area of sexuality but far from it, really the only thing I heard about was birth control. Sexuality is such a huge part of every human being though, it's amazing that we leave the "education" to pop culture. Now the parent of 3 teenaged daughters, I was absolutely thrilled to get a copy of this book. I plan on getting a couple MORE copies, since I haven't been able to pry it from my middle daughter's hands since giving it to her.
As many previous reviewers have mentioned, the book covers everything not just STIs and birth control, but the psychological and emotional ramifications of becoming sexually active as well. It's thoughtful and not at all condescending, and I have to wonder how much better the world might be if kids had THIS as their sex education instead of music videos.
Corinna is fearless when it comes to discussing the gamut of topics, so as a parent I had to be fearless as well, knowing in my heart and head that accurate information is the best gift I could give my daughters.Talking about sex is hard. Talking about sex with your teen is nearly impossible, if you ask me. After months of struggling through and trying to follow the advice of inserting "the talk" into normal conversation or using songs as springboards for discussion, I finally took a friend's advice and ordered this book.
It has been a great investment. Not only does Corinna have chapters on just about everything you can imagine--from homosexuality to sexual abuse to friends with benefits to Internet dating to fisting--she gives the information factually and in a way that isn't embarrassing. She also tells how to be safe every step of the way, both emotionally and physically.
I like that my daughter can look up answers on her own and that she and I can use the book to discuss various topics. I also like that the book has information for years to come. It's definitely got a more liberal take on things, but then this is a very different world we live in. As long as you have a loving relationship with your teen, then the book will provide a wealth of helpful information that can be balanced with discussions at home about what he or she is comfortable with and what your personal feelings are. Lack of knowledge is not better in these situations and neither is forbidding kids to do things.
I highly recommend this book and consider it an important sex ed tool.Many years ago, when I started working as a moderator on a teen debate site, the person whose job I was taking over told me to direct all sex-ed related queries to a site called Scarleteen.com, because they would answer the questions better than we ever could. I myself did not check out that site until about a year and a half ago, and when I did, I regretted not having visited in my teens: The site offered everything I was was was desperately looking for but could not find honest, down-to-earth, realistic advice on all things concerning sex, sexuality, birth control, safety and relationships.
This miracle-site is the brainchild of one Heather Corinna, sex-educator extraordinaire. And now Heather has finally managed to publish the sex-ed guide to end all guides. Like her site, the book is open, honest and straight-forward. It answers all questions without skirting truths or hiding facts. It's body-positive and inclusive, and it is always respectful and never judgemental. In short, this book is the companion you want to have with you during your teen years, and well beyond.
It you want to do yourself or a teen in your life a favour, buy this book.
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