I'm a personal growth coach with a graduate education in integral psychology. I have had a lifelong interest in the wisdom traditions of the world and this was also part of my study. I also work with people having various kinds of sexual issues or seeking more fulfillment.
When I ordered this book, I had a mixed reaction to the reviews and I was honestly expecting not to like it. However, I found it to be quite refreshing, fun, extremely witty and also informative. It talks about real sex between real people and how sex can be used as a spiritual practice and tool for transformation.
Strickly speaking, tantra is path to spiritual transformation that uses the stuff of everyday life as a gateway to something more transcendant. There are many tantric practices and the sexual practices are only a small and rather minor subset of this overall topic. If you are looking for an a good introduction on this deeper tantra or for more context, see Introduction to Tantra : The Transformation of Desire. This is an excellent, concise and accessible introduction to traditonal tantra before it was imported to the West. Although it is written from a Tibetan Buddhist perspective, the concepts apply well to any type of traditional tantra.
Back to this book.... once I got beyond my resistance to it given my knowledge and biases toward traditional tantra, I found it to be a practical tool for people looking to find deeper meaning in sex. Tantra is sort of a buzz word in the West and has a technical definition in the East. However, the authors define Tantra as... "living, authentically, consciously and sensuously. And that can be done in an infinite variety of styles and practices, all of which can bring about prolonged states of love, connection and bliss." If I accept this definition and judge the merit of the book by their own definition, then it succeeds in describing a path for busy Westerner's who wish to find more meaning in relationship and/or sexuality in general.
This book also focuses on Tantra as "primarily concerned with inner mystical experiences, not relationships." As such, it does not have a gender bias or even a heterosexual bias. In the author's words, "Gender is not two bins into one of which everyone must be dumped. It is more like a rainbow spectrum along which everyone can find the particular shade of color that looks best on them." This quote crystallizes the openness, curiosity and acceptance that characterizes the overall tone of the writing.
If I had to summarize the content, I would say it's a collection of psychological, spiritual and practical insights. It challenges basic assumptions most of us have about sex and suggests alternatives, exercises and challenges to the cultural paradigm. Often times the language is edgy, explicit and politically incorrect. However, this doesn't detract from the content, my sense is that is an attempt to reach beyond the ignorance, shame and guilt that so often plagues people in this area of their lives.
While there is some information on the chakra system (subtle energy system), Eastern practices, etc., this is not another New Age book on this topic. In addition, this book contains very concrete tips, techniques, exercises and inquiries that most Western people could connect to.
In short, this is a very fun book. It is fun to read and you will learn a lot from it. Even if the language or suggestions at time seem too far out or don't fit for you, you will still find a lot of value. You may also be surprised that as you delve deeper into exploring this territory there are new vistas waiting for you. This is a nice blend of ancient wisdom, modern insight and down-to-earth sensuality. In my opinion, it is a successful fusion of wisdom old and new applied in a way that the average person can relate to.
If after you get done reading this you want to delve deeper into Kundalini yoga or approach the chakra system gently from a credible and understandable place, then you might enjoy Kundalini Awakening: A Gentle Guide to Chakra Activation and Spiritual Growth. This book is geared toward Westerner's who have difficulty relating to esoteric teachings. It provides an experiental guide to learning about chakras, kundalini, etc. It also explains some difficult concepts in easy to understand language and is written by an author with a gift for simplicity and practical application. You can also look at my listmania lists for other references, including in-depth scholarly ones.
And I have the book. This review is on Carrellas and her whole philosopy the book and the class. As for the book you can find anything in this book for free on the internet. It is nothing new at all. She spends some pages complaining about white-bread folks and making sure everyone knows she is a radical lesbian. Same old boring song and dance, "look at me, see how different I am!" She talks about learning advanced meditation techniques from masters. But if you have the smallest, most basic knowledge of Tibetan Buddhist tantra when you read this book, or see her and hear her rant in person, it pretty obvious that it is all made up hogwash...
I love meditation and I have had a psychic opening from practicing it. I have bliss-ed out during meditation; so I do know what it feels like. I have read all Lama Yeshe's books and I love him dearly. But I do not want to join the Buddhist religion or philosophy, so I keep searching. When I first got into Meditation, I skipped by these sex tantra books believing it to be an abuse of spiritual practices. Ive read extensively how some while practicing meditation & tantra will develop psychic abilities and siddhis and get so caught up in that ... that they never progress down the path any further. At the very least, I saw this type of thing as an annoying distraction that could turn counter productive and destructive.
So I went to this class Urban Tantra to see if I could get some first hand instructions on breathing techniques. The classes are advertised that way... as "breath work", so I was very excited to think I would learn something better or new.
Basically what the whole class amounted to was imagining or simulating sex by breathing heavy & fast *THROUGH THE MOUTH* and visualizing sex with some chakra stuff and kegel exercises thrown in. So if you want to try it, lay on the floor, breathe heavy and very very fast, and moan for a few hours and save your money. (This stimulates the lowest chakra only.)
I spent years training myself to properly nose breathe, it was extremely difficult to meditate and mouth breathe. But this really wasn't meditation anyway. Many people complained about tingling hands and feet Carrellas claimed this was from over-oxygenation and that breathing this way was good. If you search *mouth breathing* you will discover you lose 2/3 of your oxygen by mouth breathing and that it causes premature death and a host of diseases. This tingling wasn't from over-oxygenation it was from lack of oxygen.
And for part of the class, the single folks had to pair up with complete strangers and kinda dry hump and touch each other erotically the class was *not advertised* this way at all complete and utter dishonesty about the content of the class as it never mentioned that people would partner up with complete strangers and touch each other and sit on each others laps, etc... Over half the people would not have attended this class had the content of the class been available for perusal beforehand. Everyone talked about it at lunch break, and I hope some ask for their money back. This class could have easily been broken up into 2 slots, one for couples and one for singles, but I guess Carrellas wont make enough quick bucks that way, eh?
She called this dry humping the yab yum. I wonder if she thinks the Kalachakra is a standing sexual position? She lacks basic information about yin/yang, yab/yum, shiva/shatki and other such inner forces and she spent some time criticizing, in complete ignorance, what she thinks is a man/woman thing.
Anyway, the people that were least attractive, were publicly humiliated because no one wanted to partner up with them. And she even added some sarcastic comments to further humiliate them, as they headed off publicly humiliated and rejected by the whole class to their *alone* spot by the mirror. This broke my heart and showed me what raw ignorance really is. Anyone even a teeny tiny bit advanced would not have done this! I don't understand how anyone could miss the absolute horror of what that felt like for that poor women; I surely couldn't. I could not concentrate after that! The fact that most of the class didn't notice or plain didn't care... that they could wipe it right from their mind and continue on with this unfeeling, unthinking teacher that just publicly humiliated, and then brutalized an innocent women with vicious comments...and she even added in that *this* is the universal force that connects us all; NO IT IS NOT if WHAT you were teaching actually was the universal life force that connects us all you would NOT have been so heartless, brutal, and sarcastic to that women! NO, it isn't the universal force that connects us all if you knew this force in the slightest way, you could not have injured anyone in this way! On a side note, *good* teachers that I have seen will partner up with such single folks but most caring people would not put another human being in this predicament in the first place.
Hey what more can I say? If this is what mind or breath sex is.. I don't want it, folks. At least, not this author's brand of it. Be careful with this brand... knowledge is not wisdom.
She spent quite some time criticizing and polarizing anyone who wasn't gay or into extreme sexual practices a serious hangup with *normal* people was excessively apparent. Think of a lesbian version of Rosanne Barr teaching a class on faking sex... that sums it up pretty well.
"It gives liberation to Yogis and bondage to fools" The Hathayoga Pradipika. This quote is not kindly advice, but a dire warning. Kundalini is not something to toy with. It can cause excruciating physical pain and all kinds of mental problems on someone not completely and utterly spiritually ready for it. Search on "spiritual emergence" and read the personal stories.
This is not "Tantra". There are real teachers and good books out there this is not one of them.
Buy Urban Tantra: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century Now
I thought the book was good, but spent alot of the beginning alienating us boring white bread middle American straight people that may not work occasionally in the sex trade....I say this with a smile and a laugh.
If you are gay, into BDSM, etc. and want to expand on those alternatives with Tantra this book is awesome.....If you want pure Tantra, you can take what you need and leave the rest, or look elsewhere.
It's an easy, entertaining, quick read...and I never thought of myself as a prude, I love the energy information--although it's nothing I haven't learned elsewhere, I just felt a little side tracked at times....
For me personally, and again this is me, but I felt like BDSM worked better when I still clung to many of the issues I've worked through, and I see Tantra as a step beyond, so some of this book seemed like a step backwards.? I also look to Tantra to intesify a long term monogamous relationship, and this book often speaks otherwise. No judgement, just not where I am at this point in my life.
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If you have already read some of my reviews, you know my favorite books feel like best friends and "Urban Tantra" rates as an excellent "bf" and a must have for anyone, what ever your sexual orientation is! If you want to raise your sexual IQ and ecstasy, do empowering exercises -one that uses rocking -which is a favorite, than rock it and read it. Barbara is so open, honest and fun. I loved Annie Sprinkle's "Spectacular Sex" and Annie writes the forward to this book and the women and the books compliment each other well. This book is great for couples and for "singles" because you can do the "home work" alone too which is important and some topics may not be your "thing" but you will get some great breathing excercises, imagining and understanding out of this terrific read!
I recommend this book highly and also doing the exercises for better sexual health, pleasure and empowerment. Like Annie and Nina Hartley, Barbara recommends affirmations and I agree and need to do so much more affirming work. I am carrying this book around with me everywhere and I recommend you do too!
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Have you ever picked up a book on Tantra, started to read it and say "oh no this is too complex I could never do this" I did many years ago and have since not found a book on Tantra or the practices that I could not easily work into my day to day life... well Not anymore! Barbara is a genious and in creating "Urban Tantra" has given us the most 'user friendly' book on Tantra ever written. I have read and begun to put the practices she suggests in her book easily and effortlessly into my day to day life with wonderful results of feeling more ecstatic and alive. If you want to feel more ecstatic and alive buy this book today! Thank you Barbara!
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Aucoin produces yet another beautiful and fun book about the art of make up. However, Face Forward is much like Making Faces without the practical techniques. 
