Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably

When I first read this, before I had (or even considered having) children, I assumed that it was intended as humor, and I laughed (a lot) at what I imagined were its comic exaggerations. Now that I have a child, I realize that this is in fact a no-nonsense, completely serious and accurate description of pregnancy, childbirth, and child-rearing.

While other baby books mislead you with emotional descriptions of the joy and wonder your "little one" will bring, Dave Barry pulls no punches in his hard-hitting, gritty portrayal of baby behavior. There is a quiz early on whose purpose is to deter prospective parents who may be weak of heart or stomach, with questions such as "How many diapers will an average baby go through before it is toilet-trained?" or "What is the most repulsive thing a baby would put in its mouth?" Those of you who are parents will know the answers. Those of you who are not, be warned: you may think Dave Barry's answers are too outrageous to be true, but you're wrong!

Anyway, this book is an excellent source of information for anyone who is considering having children, or who is considering not having children. It is also useful for those who already have children, as it will reassure them that they are not alone -though they may wish they had read (and heeded) it sooner.

Hi all you expectant parents out there. If are like my wife and I, as soon as we learned that we were pregnant my wife immersed herself in Dr. Spock and other "reputable" child care and parenting books. Being of a somewhat different ilk, I undertook my own brand of pre-baby training with this wonderful primer about babies, where they come from, what happens when they get here, why they do what they do, and how to cope with it all as a parent.

Know what? Dave Barry's book is the most readable, enjoyable, and useful introduction to the little people who show up at our homes that I have ever seen. Move over Dr. Spock!

Dave gives advice about diapers and dealing with unsolicited advice on parenting. He also explains in perfectly understandable detail why babies spit up their food (it's the "food-return loop" that causes it), drool, and other typically unexplainable baby behaviors. In addition, there are tips to fathers about when diapers need to be changed, etc.

Read it and weep or laugh out loud, depending on whether your baby's already home or still on the way. This book presents real life...no sugar coating here!

This book also makes a great wedding present!

5 stars, no doubt about it!

Buy Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Now

There are two things that will assist you in getting the full enjoyment from this book. First, you have to appreciate Dave Barry's sense of humor. Second, you have to have experienced the "birth process" as well as seen those formative years involving toilet training, preschool selection, first words spoken, and taking a kid to a restaurant or on a plane.

And if you haven't done these things, you still may find this book entertaining!

There were four times a laugh/sob just escaped spontaneously as I was reading this book:

As part of a quiz to measure whether you have the knowledge to become a parent, Barry asks, "What do you do if your two-month-old baby is screaming in an airplane and refuses to shut up and is clearly disturbing the other passengers?

a. Summon the stewardess and say: 'Stewardess, whose baby is this?'

b. Summon the stewardess and say: 'Stewardess, this baby is very interested in aviation. Please take it up and show it around the cockpit for the duration of the flight.'

c. Summon the stewardess and say: 'Stewardess, please inform the captain that this infant has just handed me a note in which it threatens to continue crying unless it is taken to Havana immediately'" (p. 3).

In selecting toys for the newborn: "You don't want so-called educational toys that claim to teach 'spatial relationships,' because the only spatial relationship newborn babies care about is whether they can fit things into their mouths. This means you want toys that will fit safely and comfortably in a baby's mouth. The best way to select such toys is to try them out in your own mouth, bearing in mind that yours has eight times the volume of baby's. When you go to the toy store, ask to see eight of each potential toy; if you can stuff them all comfortably in your mouth, you should buy one. Remind the salesclerk to sterilize the other seven, so as not to pass infectious diseases on to the next shopper. The clerk will appreciate this thoughtful reminder" (p. 21).

On naming your baby: "In recent years, it has become fashionable to give children extremely British-sounding names, such as 'Jessica.' I think this is an excellent idea. Despite the fact that Great Britain has been unable to produce a car that can be driven all the way across a shopping mall parking lot without major engine failure, Americans think that anything British is really terrific. So I recommend you give your baby the most British name you can think up, such as 'Queen Elizabeth' or 'Big Ben' or 'Crumpet Scone-Hayes'" (p. 38-39).

On kids learning to talk: "I remember once my wife called me into the living room, all excited. 'Watch this,' she said. 'Robert, where's your head?' And by God, Robert pointed to his head. I was stunned. I couldn't believe what a genius we had on our hands. Then my wife, bursting with pride, said, 'Now watch this. Robert, where's your foot?' Robert flashed us a brilliant smile of comprehension, pointed to his head, and said, 'dog'" (p. 70).

Too close to home! Be prepared to have your funny bone tickled.

Read Best Reviews of Babies and Other Hazards of Sex: How to Make a Tiny Person in Only 9 Months, with Tools You Probably Here

My wife got me this as a gift, and my only complaint is that my youngest is now eight, and I could have used this a long time ago. Dave Barry hits the nail right on the head with this book.

In this book, Barry puts a very serious subject in a humorous tone, but he still speaks the truth. Yes, this book is intended as humor, but his reasoning and descriptions are pretty dead on true. I seriously could relate to a lot of the situations he described. This book was hysterical.

Jerry O'Brien's illustrations are hilarious, and, as always, the perfect compliment to Barry's book. For any new parents or expected parents, this book is definately for you. Not only will this book not pull any punches, and tell it like it is, but it is very enjoyable reading, and will help ease some of the axieties that you may already have. Yeah, it might add a few as well, but hey, at least you'll laugh so hard, you'll forget about labor pains.

Dave Barry is easily the king of comedy, and this short book even illustrates this even more. You won't be disappointed.

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My husband and I are thinking about trying to conceive soon, and we thought this would be a great humorous view of the whole process. And, it is! As always Dave Barry brings such true humor to the process. I especially love the recounts of conversations he's had with his child, espeically the ones that revolve around the word "Why?".... (e.g., "That's a goat." "Why?") My only gripe is that there isn't more to this book, a lot of page space is dedicated to only mildly amusing pictures.

Overall though, a fun read which you can finish in one or two sittings.

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