Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family

As I read Remarried with Children--Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family by Barbara LeBey, all I kept thinking was: where was this book when I needed it.

Many years ago I married a man who had a nine-year-old son and an eleven-year-old daughter. Since I had never had children, I entered this marriage ill-equipped--I was virtually clueless--to deal with the children of the man I loved. LeBey's book could have saved me so much grief (the checklist alone on pages 113-115 would have been invaluable), prevented the myriad mistakes I made, and helped me work through the conflicts and problems that are inevitable when two people marry and one or both bring their children into the marriage. You aren't just marrying that man or woman, you are also an "instant family"--one that was there years before you came on the scene. Without the knowledge and tools to deal with this complex situation, the probability is that you will deal instead with ongoing tension and conflict, every conceivable form of resentment, disagreement and confrontation. And, in many instances, the stress of the stepchildren/stepparent relationship can erode the very foundation of the marriage itself. It did in my case.

Every chapter in Remarried with Children would have served to enlighten me, to calm my anxieties, and offer the kind of sage advice that I could have used on a day to day basis. The book is filled with reader-friendly stories that serve to illustrate--dramatize,really--every point LeBey makes. Her style is compassionate, often witty, entertaining, but above all, always delineating the problems with clarity and insight, and giving the reader the awareness, motivation and the means to make their newly blended family a shining success.

As I said, I definitely needed this book, and now after reading it, I know it would have been all that I needed.

I bought this book based on the positive reviews here on Amazon, and was extremely disappointed in it. The author gives way too much benefit of the doubt to the adults who are remarrying, assuming that they are rational, thoughtful people who can look out for other people's interests as well as their own. She also assumes that these people have eased into the relationship somewhat slowly, have had ample exposure to the kids involved, and do not live together before marriage. That's not the reality for a lot of people I know.

There also seems to be a fairly strong anti-child bias (example: "The Taming of a Step-Brat" page 19 why the hostile wording?), and the theme that as long as the adults are happy the kids will just have to suck it up and adjust permeates the book. On page 164, there is a section on what do IF your kids are going to be involved in your wedding to new spouse. How can you create a "new" family while not including the kids? (and what's with the hint: Let your photographer know in advance that you don't want a wedding album filled with pictures of only "cute kids". Seriously?) The chapter "Sensitive Issues and Bad Influences" is just weird and disturbing on page 210 there begins a section called "Lolita and Stepdad" where the author talks about "Jill" who decides that she's going to try to seduce her stepdad as a way to show her mom who's in control and then on the next page says that "most inappropriate sexual incidents take place between a stepfather and stepdaughter". While she does ultimately say that it's always the adult's fault for sexual abuse, it takes several paragraphs to get there, and in the meantime buys into the stereotype of the teenage girl who uses her body as a weapon.

While there are some good ideas in this book full disclosure about financial obligations, getting along for holidays/birthdays/etc this is a book that could be picked up by people who are totally self-involved narcissists and could easily find dozens of things that would justify treating their kids and other family members as interlopers into their super-special relationship (which will always trump the needs of everyone else). So you may end up with the love of your life, but your kids might not want anything to do with you.

Buy Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family Now

This book shows how important it is to put the marriage first. The focus is on putting aside the time to create a good relationship and preventing another divorce and more trauma for the children. The author tries not to push every relationship into one mold and she offeres a variety of options for some problems. I really enjoyed reading this book and I highly recommend it for those whose lives have fallen into any of these situations.

Read Best Reviews of Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family Here

As a divorced single mom who eventually remarried, I found a lot to like in this book.

Sadly, I read it after the fact --but still found it helpful.

This is one of the better books for spelling out the issues you'll need to consider.

Read it alongside Ginger Kolbaba's excellent book "Surprised by Remarriage" which is

also here on Amazon.

Clear, concise, and insightful analysis of the issues you'll confront. If you are

already remarried --you'll find yourself in these pages.

Well-written and useful. Five stars for clear consistent writing.

Barbara Sheldon, M.S.W.

I also highly recommend: Happily Remarried: Making Decisions Together * Blending Families Successfully * Building a Love That Will Last

Want Remarried with Children: Ten Secrets for Successfully Blending and Extending Your Family Discount?

This book is full of useful information. It is one of four books that my husband and I received when we got remarried. I am reading through it and finding it helpful. My husband has been less interested --he prefers more of a "story-telling" approach, he tends to read a lot faster and skip over things. Both of us have found this book helpful in our remarried life.

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