I'm surprised how few reviews there are here, and how few are actual reviews. This book is one of the most negative takes on parenthood that I've read.I was really disappointed with this book. I have read her blog a little bit, and although I don't always identify with her on her blog, she has pumped this book so much I thought I'd give it a read. I wish I'd skipped it. If you are really finding stay-at-home parenting terribly difficult, then check out her blog, especially the archives. I went back to it and checked some things just to see if I could figure out why this book seems so negative. If you like what you see, give this book a read, perhaps something in there will strike you as helpful, but don't fall victim to the "whoa is me" mentality. Childhood is too short, and parents need to stay positive to get through the rough spots. (Do keep in mind that she asked her blog readers to review this book on Amazon, so the initial reviews may be slanted toward those who already identify with her world-view.)
I did find the organization of the self-care chapters week-by-week to be a good idea, although completely underdeveloped on most topics. I kept thinking "that's it?", but that may be a consequence of her working to knock out the book on a strict time schedule, as she describes in her blog.
Bottom line, I really just can't get behind her worldview. Sure, all parents, SAH and otherwise, have tough days like she describes, but the days are not all like that. She really over-emphasizes the negative. We all hit some very, VERY difficult periods during our parenting years, but her writing suggests she still has trouble seeing past those hard parts. I can see talking a bit about challenges, but it is a chronic thing in this book, there is very little positive. (She does recommend taking note of your blessings at the very end of a chapter, but again, that seems underdeveloped.) In a book like this, an editor might have suggested she step back and give it another edit after not looking at it at all for a few months, because as it is, I have trouble seeing the "wondrous" for her readers through all the negative.
Parenting is truly the toughest job you'll ever love, but you do have to stay positive. Lamenting what you don't have is definitely not the best way to do that. In one chapter on creating a group of friends, she recommends avoiding the envy of the "mansion on the hill", but in the very next paragraph, she says to stick with people of similar "circumstances, houses, cars, clothes, activities, and values." And a few pages later when discussing the benefits of a smaller home, she says of a house in her small town, "Take that, big mansion on the hill!" She is specific about the neighborhood she speaks of, and I find that, in and of itself, disparaging and mean. How is this avoiding envy, as she recommends? So to paraphrase she is saying is: if you have a good friend in your life, but you find yourself envious of them due to their "circumstances", don't keep them in your core circle of friends, you'll be happier that way. REALLY? You can't just take some time to work on your own values to figure out why you are so bothered by envy? Why can't you be happy for what you have, and be happy your friends are happy too? She's a psychologist, and her solution is to stay away from people who make you feel too envious. This is upsetting, to say the least. If you are suffering greatly from envy because you are struggling with any number of issues we all struggle with, financial, spousal help, body image, lack of support from the extended family, etc., then consider speaking to a therapist or your pastor for support! I highly doubt most would tell you to avoid any people whom you envy!
She talks at length about how hard it is when they are babies, and how little free time you have, but she really over-dramatizes this. It is true, but it is of course worse at first, and then gradually gets easier as the kids grow, although each phase brings new challenges. Her SAHM experiences do not seem unusual, yet no one I know views it as harshly as she does. Her family continues to call one difficult period, "the Summer Genevieve Screamed All the Time and Mama's Hair Fell Out." She says the girls don't really remember it, but they still talk about it. Now first of all, she mentions more than one period of hair loss on her blog, so I doubt blaming the two year old will be useful for this one. Secondly, how damaging is it to keep reminding the now five-ish child (and her sister) that she screamed all that summer and her mom's hair fell out? Thirdly, is it wise to be so specific, so publicly, about difficult periods your children went through? How will that child feel when someone asks her, at age 14 in front of friends, "Oh, are you the one who screamed for the whole summer and caused your mom's hair to fall out?" I think the author may need to work on her own stress relieving mechanisms, so I'm not sure she's in a position to tell us how to relieve stress. Not only that, she appears to have significantly more help from her spouse than many SAHMs I know, yet she seems to feel she has been burdened with an unusual amount of stress, and that other people will be able to scare up a lot more help than she had (My spouse doesn't have time to "take over" every evening so I can workout or paint my nails, he works a long day and sometimes odd hours. I did not intend to be a SAHM, but his odd hours preclude me from most jobs. And like many Americans, we do not live near our extended family, so my days are always completely dependent on my ability to stick with it, whether I'm extremely sick or stressed or otherwise. Ultimately, even on my worse days, after a little whining to my mom over the phone, I manage just fine and come out feeling fulfilled, if a bit tired. But keep in mind, my mom had it far tougher than I or the author, so I only get to whine for a moment or two, then it's time to cheer up and get back to it.
The chapter on fitness seems to assume that the average person would define leftover baby weight as being a little "soft around the middle," and with some regular movement we'll all "rock those skinny jeans in the preschool pick up line." I find that a bit unrealistic and quite unsympathetic to the rest of us. Between the book and her blog, we learn that she has suffered numerous exercise-related injuries from overdoing it, so again, she is probably not the best choice for advising us. We all know we need to move more, and any magazine at the supermarket checkout can give us the "tips" she shares, but the practical advice is lacking, and the overall chapter is disjointed.
Unfortunately, all of this fits very well in her list of types of "friends" to avoid: those who are "competitive, unsympathetic, superior, unsupportive, or have a divergent world-view." Yet she asks readers to join her "tribe" at the end of the book. I don't think so, I'd rather not take self-care advice from a "friend" like that, thank you. All this negative energy really puts her in several of the categories she lists for types of "friends" to avoid. I get the impression this book was more therapy for her than help for us, which was not worth my $15. I have had little help from my spouse or extended family, and kept to a tight budget, but I truly appreciate what I have. Sure it is hard some days, REALLY hard other days, but there are people who leave their little kids and go halfway across the world to protect our freedoms, and earn far less than the worth of those efforts. If they, and their families at home, can get through their day, I can get through mine. And I can do it without overwhelming envy and whining. People have been doing this parenting thing for thousands of years, only the circumstances change, and whether you enjoy it or just get through it is all about attitude. I'd rather enjoy it, and this book didn't help me with that. In fact, I think if I were earlier in my SAHM journey, it would have made me rather depressed. I really, really wanted to like this book, the title was very promising, who doesn't want their life to be more "wondrous"? But I'm sorry to say, her negative world-view just isn't very relatable for the average person with a vaguely optimistic outlook. If people start following her example and advice, I'm afraid optimism and positivity will be completely lost in their homes.
Not only am I bummed I wasted money on this book, I found it depressing that there are people out there this negative on parenthood, and they are trying to give advice to the rest of us. If you want something more positive on SAHMotherhood, consider "Steady Days: A Journey Toward Intentional Professional Motherhood", and if you are transitioning to SAHMotherhood and could use some positive guidance there, Sanders and Bullen's "Staying Home" would be a good choice.
Buy The Essential Stay-at-Home Mom Manual: How to Have a Wondrous Life Amidst Kids and Chaos Now
This was a huge disappointment. I'm not sure why the tone of the book came across as forced and disingenuous. I then checked out this blog about this book and found out why. This author so wants you to believe she has these values and makes these sacrifices, but really, she wants to live in the McMansions all her well-to-do friends can afford and she can't in her "sacrifice" to be a SAHM. She reminds her daughters constantly about this and is pretty harsh. Don't let her fool you, if she could, she would drive a huge Escalade and live up on the hill. It's just misleading to write something you don't fully believe, we can see right through it! How can we feel good about her message if she herself does not believe it? I'm very sad this book ended up being such a sham, because I was really looking for a good manual. It's also too bad she posts so many good reviews about herself. I confirmed this by going to her blog and found she distorts comments and is very dishonest. I have lost respect for this author as a woman and as a writer. It's misleading and very fake.I have read this book on a NOOK app and now am SO excited to be able to get it in hard copy! I've already given several copies to mom-friends who have new babies or young children -I think it's the PERFECT new-mom gift (or birthday gift for a mom, or anytime gift for a mom!). The information offered is both down-to-earth/practical and professional/insightful, offering ideas and perspectives I had never thought about myself before. I esp. appreciate how the author looks at mothering *as* a job -I mean, we all know it's a *job*, but how she draws analogies between mothering and the realities of a job outside the home. If I had been thinking along those lines when I was a 100% stay-at-home mom with pre-preschoolers, I'd have likely had an easier time of things. As it is, now that I'm a *work*-at-home mom (as in, my professional work *and* my mothering work coexist under the same roof), I am confident that putting into practice some of the insights in this book will truly be beneficial to all in my family.This book is very well-written, broken down into very useful and user-friendly sections, and I'm anxious to see the hard-copy layout because e-books, though I love them, only go so far. I've done some online searches and there really seems to be no other book like this "out there." Whether you're a full-time SAHM or a part-time at-home mom *or dad*, this book has something in it for you!This book is very beneficial for a new stay at home mom like me or even a veteran.... This book help us mothers to never forget about us while taking care of our family...
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